Welcome to my Bipolar 2 Experience. I had early-onset bipolar and was diagnosed at age 17 with manic-depression. My diagnosis was changed to bipolar ll disorder in my mid-30s. There are many good blogs about bipolar disorder and I don’t wish to reiterate other view points but having had childhood bipolar means for virtually my entire life I’ve manifested the worst symptoms of bipolar: Hypomania, depression, and an overwhelming sense of hopelessness and self-hatred. I attempted suicide at age 13. Bipolar is a profound experience for me and I would like to tell my story.
It was hurtful and very confusing as a child to feel misunderstood, unheard, isolated, and not knowing WHY? When I was in grade school, no one talked about mental illness. No one said anything about ADHD (my co-morbidity) let alone bipolar. Furthermore, I couldn’t explain to anyone that my behavior was unintentional. I didn’t know how to stop the behavior or ask for help because I didn’t have the language. I needed an adult to recognize my distress and explain to me what was happening. My only way of communicating was to act out and I did, a lot, at school. Elementary and middle schools were a misery; high school was an absolute nightmare. It was during my senior year that I was diagnosed.
Bipolar ll is a fairly new diagnosis and is considered to be a subset of bipolar l. There is still much unknown about bipolar disorder in general and even less about bipolar ll specifically. I’m writing this blog because now I have the appropriate language and I intend to provide a voice for anyone else who feels alienated by their mental illness. I am writing this blog for readers interested in learning more and hearing other perspectives of bipolar ll. Finally, I am writing this blog for Andi, my inner child, so she can have her opportunity to tell the world that she was more than the disruptive child in class who had daily temper tantrums and crying fits. She was a bright girl who was very troubled and deserving of patience and empathy.
The background context of my blog: I was raised Seventh-Day Adventist (SDA). I am a Christian and agree with the fundamental SDA beliefs. Ashtanga Yoga is my praxis to live mindfully and with intention. My blog is about being bipolar ll and my efforts to find solutions to my challenges with bipolar such as maintaining good health and fitness; finding ways to access mental health services and employment; and the all-consuming search to acquire skills that will make me feel better. I believe in fighting against the stigma of mental illness and helping others understand the pain of mental illness.
However, I want my blog to demonstrate how I SURVIVE with bipolar ll disorder and offer encouragement and support to those who are surviving with their illness as well. I will only talk about my mental health treatment plan and my experience. I do not believe that all psychiatric remedies work the same for everyone. I encourage anyone seeking mental health treatment to use whatever is most effective to manage their disorder. There is no one treatment that fits all but, in full disclosure, my 20 plus years of living with bipolar ll depression were awful so I am a STRONG proponent for psychotropics. There are hundreds of different pharmaceutical formulas and the chances are high that one or two will work for everyone.
My blog does NOT PROVIDE psychiatric/medical treatment or advice. If you believe you are in danger of harming yourself CALL 911 or go to the nearest ER. This is my personal safety plan and it has been 100% successful, it is what I recommend to everyone.